I Guess I'll Sleep When I'm Dead...

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I am tired. It seems as if no matter when I go to bed at night or when I wake up I am still tired.

No, I'm not sick- I suppose a lot of it has to do with a nine month old baby who still does not sleep through the night. She wakes up around midnight to eat; I nurse her in bed and she sleeps between my husband and I. She then wakes up again for a little snacky-snack. Why not, right? My boobs are right there- I guess it would be like me standing in front of the refrigerator when there is yummy food in it, why not indulge because it's in front of your face?

I know that I could stop this waking up thing if I left her in her crib until she passed out from crying but I can't do that. First of all, I feel bad when my child has tears streaming down her face because she wants her mommy. If she is crying and looking for me I want to be there for her, even if it means that I end up feeling like a truck ran me over, backed up, and ran me over again. Second of all, even if I were okay with her screaming and feeling abandoned, she shares a room with her older sister. Dealing with one child in the middle of the night stinks but it's doable; dealing with two children in the middle of the night is something that I will avoid at all costs. My three year old daughter is a hot mess when she gets woken up and would make even Super Nanny want to claw her eyeballs out. Therefore, sleeping in mommy and daddy's bed with twenty-four hour milk service it is.

I do have a line that I draw though- when she is done eating the nursing bra gets buckled back up. I am not a human pacifier, especially since Jilly now has teeth. I want to go to sleep with two intact nipples and wake up with two intact nipples. This seems to really piss her off to the point that some nights she won't fall back asleep and her and I end up on the couch watching Mad Men until the wee hours of the morning. What a glamorous life I lead.

If all of that isn't stupendous enough, Jilly has taken to waking up at five am every morning bright eyed and bushy tailed ready for the day. five am is an un-Godly hour for me to wake up at, especially after her night time antics. I am not a morning person- I never have been one and though I have tried, I will never be one. Every cell in my body detests early mornings and I am a terrible person to be around before 8 am. So, every morning I grumble and say a few swear words under my breath, take Jilly downstairs, plop her in her play area, lay on the couch with my eyes closed and then listen to her cry for twenty minutes because she doesn't want to play. I roll off the couch, change her diaper because she pooped all over herself in protest of me daring to put her down and begrudgingly start my day way to stinking early.

Wash, rinse and repeat- that has been my life for the past few weeks. Don't even ask about daytime naps- those are words that do not even exist in Jilly's language. I always think of the people who tell me that I'll miss these moments when she is grown and then I imagine punching said people in the face. I miss sleep- I haven't had a good nights sleep since I became pregnany with Jilly. It's been eighteen months people! EIGHTEEN MONTHS! How much longer can this go on?

See You Later, Alligator...

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Family is great. Family is wonderful.

Some advice though?

Living too close makes family unbearable.

We are in a situation right now where the life that we had envisioned for ourselves and our children has gone down the toilet. We have been living in my in-laws house for the past few years with them living in an in-law apartment attached to the house with the intention of buying the house. We have been paying the mortgage and making updates to the house here and there because this was going to be our home- the place we would raise our kids and grow old in.

Through recent events (lets just say that I can only bend so far before I break- don't mess with a stay at home mom!) we have realized that no matter how much we pay for the home or how much work we put into the home that it will never be ours. I am glad said events happened now before we actually signed anything because otherwise things would have turned miserable for us but I am also angry because we held up our end of the agreement and the other party did not. Instead of saving for a downpayment on a house for the past four years we puttered our money away on this house and we have nothing to show for it.

As I write this I am crying, not because I want to stay here but because I am sad that what I dreamed of just is not going to be. I am crying because I have to uproot my family due to someone else and their asinine behavior- change is scary, especially when it all comes up on you so fast. Once we get out of here and we move to a new community I will feel great and once we buy a house I'll feel even better. We're going to rent a town house for a year to give us time to save money and then if all goes to plan we'll be in our very own house (drama free) in a year.

An Open Letter to Stop and Shop...

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Dear Stop and Shop,

I am writing this because I have had it with your terrible produce. Everything I buy from you is gross! The strawberries are moldy, the potatoes are rotten (my most recent batch had mold growing on them) and the expensive avocados I bought are full of gray, rotten spots.

I really thought that when you came out with your new guarantee of double your money back if you're not satisfied that you would upgrade the quality of your produce but you didn't. It still sucks and I have had it with buying it. I shouldn't have to truck my butt back to the store to get a refund for crappy produce- I should be able to buy a darn bag of potatoes without having to throw at least half away.

Due to your lack of desire to provide your customers with high quality produce, I will not be buying it from you anymore. Now I will go out of my way to purchase higher quality (and more expensive) produce from Whole Foods (Shaws, Target and BJ's suck too) or from the farmer's market. This means that I will be spending more of my time and using way more gas but at least I'll know that I won't be feeding my family moldy, rotten junk.

So, there you have it Stop and Shop- because of your inability to sell decent produce I will no longer be buying it from you. You should be ashamed of the crap that you try to pass off as produce.

Signed,

One Disgruntled Mom

Calling All Cruise Directors...

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I don't fit in with the pre-school moms, which to me is a good thing.

I am old school in the sense of I don't feel like my kids need to be signed up for lots of activities at such a young age and the term "play date" makes me roll my eyes (it sounds so prissy- whatever happened to saying do you want to come over my house and play? are kids these days so busy that they need dates?). And going to a play group or joining a mom group- well that just seems like a torture worse than being up all night with a screaming baby. I have always said that I refuse to be friends with someone just because their kids are the same age as mine- I've sacrificed enough by becoming a mom and I refuse to forfeit my dignity by hanging out with someone that I don't want to.

I am the type of mom who expects my kids to be able to entertain themselves- if someone says that they're bored my response is find something to do. I am not a taxi service or an ATM machine that dispenses countless amounts of money for activities. You want to play with someone? Play with your sibling or if plausible the neighbors. I mean, isn't one of the reasons I had three kids so that they could play with each other? If I wanted to hear boredom whining I would have had just one kid and saved myself a lot of trouble.

When I was a kid back in the dark ages of the late eighties/early nineties I played with the neighborhood kids and I was in Girl Scouts. That was my life. I don't remember my mom trucking my butt all over town for multiple "play dates" every week or signing me up for tons of activities. You know what the neighbor kids and I did? We would climb trees, have dirt ball fights and explore the woods. If I tried setting foot back in the house before dinner time my mom promptly kicked me out.

Now I know some people may not have other kids in their neighborhoods so trucking your kid around to friends houses may be a necessity- but please quit saying "play dates". It is such a helicopter parent term that personifies how this generation of kids is being turned into little wussies who need mommy and daddy to constantly pacify them.

Me, I prefer my kids to know that mommy is not their concierge. I have tons of junk to get done during the day which all pertains to their happiness and well being so the added job of on board cruise director is not something I want to add to my plate right now.

Scream Till You Puke...

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I have come to the conclusion that my quality of life is directly correlated to how cooperative Jilly Billy is at night. For the (brief) period of time that she was taking a nap from 7 pm to 11 pm and then after I fed her was sleeping until 2 am before we took her into our bed I felt wonderful. When I say wonderful I mean I wasn't as crabby to everyone in my house and I didn't feel like I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown every minute of the day. It was nice having time at night to relax and get stuff done like actually making shopping lists that had coupons involved.

Now Jilly Billy is in full crib at night mutiny mode- she will sleep in her crib for maybe, if I'm lucky, two hours and then she's up at 9 pm therefore wrecking any plans that I had to not have a child attached to me all night. I know there is a method of sleep training called cry it out but I'm not into letting my baby scream until she pukes. The most I can handle is her crying for a few minutes- I'll pop the pacifier back in her mouth a few times and then I give up and take her out of her crib. I love her and cannot get myself to let her cry herself to sleep so I sacrifice my night to keep her happy.

This is why I feel like garbage today and the many days preceding today. I put my kids' needs before mine and Jilly Billy is just a baby- babies need to be cuddled and to feel like they are loved. Screaming and puking doesn't do that. So I will continue to feel like garbage while gently prodding her to sleep in her crib all night (heck, even just a few hours would make me happy). My son slept in our bed on and off until he was 18 months old at which time he went right in his crib and slept through the night (we moved from an apartment where his crib was in our bedroom to a house where he had his own room) and my daughter slept with us until she was around 9 months old which is when she decided she was ready for her crib all night. Jilly Billy wants her mommy at night and I know, even though it is annoying the ever living crap out of me, that she will eventually sleep in her crib when she is ready to.

I just wish though that she would nap from 7 pm to 11 pm- three hours at night is all I'm asking for Jilly. Three stinking hours. Then I'll cuddle with you all night. Three stinking hours!

Mommy Is Going To Lose It...

Yesterday morning was one of those mornings that was so annoying that I look back on it and shake my head.

My son had school so we had to be out of the house by 8:20 am which is not super early in the real world but when you have three kids it is torture.

I gave the older kids their breakfast which on this particular day consisted of wheat toast, milk and yogurt (yep, no fruit- the terrible mother that I am was running late and had no time to cut up fruit). Then I went upstairs to gather their clothing for the day and then I ironed their clothing for the day- I may be a sack of crap mom sometimes but I draw the line at my kids leaving the house looking like they are homeless. I went back into the kitchen and my son had not touched any of his food which really annoyed me. Every school morning he sits at the table and does not eat his food until I yell at him. When he saw my face this morning he grabbed his Go-Gurt and ate it but I grabbed his plate and threw his toast in the trash which of course he didn't even care about. I told him that maybe next time he would eat what I made him- most likely not but man, am I sick of having to make him eat his breakfast.

I went back upstairs to grab my clothing and flushed the toilet in the upstairs bathroom to rid it of any late night pee. Apparently my son had gone number two before he came downstairs for breakfast (or should I say sit at the table and not eat anything time) and had used baby wipes to wipe his bum. He must have used a ton because the toilet overflowed all over the floor. After I yelled down the stairs to "politely" explain to him that he must never put baby wipes in the toilet I grabbed a bunch of towels and sopped up the blue toilet water. Then I made a mental note to steam mop the floor when I got a chance later in the day while also feeling a piece of me die on the inside because I now had even more laundry to do.

As I got downstairs my daughter just happened to drop her yogurt cup on the floor which proceeded to splatter everywhere. Who knew that yogurt was so aerodynamic? I just stared at it for a minute in disbelief and then did a piss poor job cleaning that up as we were really running behind. I made yet another mental note to hit up the mess later in the day when I had time all the while I kept saying "Alli, are you kidding me- don't fool around at the kitchen table".

At this point the baby was screaming because she was hungry (I had fed her an hour before so she wasn't starving) so I popped in the pacifier to keep her from hyperventilating. I got the kids dressed which in itself was a test to my patience- for some reason when it is time to dress the kids they become squirming, complaining monsters. I threw the baby in her car seat and we were out the door, a little late but alas we were on our way. The baby did get fed in the school parking lot after I dragged everyone into school to drop my son off. That is the good thing about breastfeeding- my boobs are always ready to feed; no need to take time to prep a bottle.

I really hate school mornings because it seems like everyday is just a frantic race out the door. Stuff always comes up that throws me off and the kids always decide to not cooperate, especially my daughter who cries about everything imaginable when we are trying to get ready for school (she no longer wears socks because of this and I have recently given up on getting her to wear a coat). And then there is the baby who cries when I put her in her car seat- she hates being cooped up in it and is not shy about letting me know it. No matter how early I get up we are always rushing around. I really wish sometimes that I could be the type of mom who just wears her pajamas to school drop off but that would crush my soul- putting on real clothing is my last grasp at being a human being and not just a mom.

Honestly, if my husband and I weren't paying so much to send my son to pre-school there would be a lot of mornings where I would say screw it, we're staying home and you monster children are going to sit in your rooms all day so mommy won't lose it and need to check herself into a psychiatric hospital. I can only console myself with that fact that I should enjoy this year because next year will really suck- my son is going to Kindergarten five half days a week (I won't find out if he is in the morning or afternoon program until the middle of the summer) and my daughter is starting nursery school on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. We live too close to the elementary school so no buses for us, just me either walking to school or on days where the weather is awful I will be driving and contending with all of the other frantic moms in their various minivans and SUV's.

To everyone out there who says "someday when the kids are grown up you will miss all of this", can you please cart my children around for me?

Sick? Moms Don't Get Sick...

Do you know what stinks about being a mom? It really stinks when you are sick.

-The kids don't care if you are sick because they still need to be taken care of.
-The laundry doesn't care if you are sick because it still needs to be washed and put away.
-The dishes don't care if you are sick because they still pile up in the sink waiting to be washed.
-The dust and crumbs don't care because they still accumulate all over the house waiting to be swept up.

So I guess we as moms should just jump on the bandwagon and not care when we are sick- why should we if no one else does? Onto the taking care of the kids, laundry, dishes and sweeping we go!

Thank You- No Thank You...

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Has the art of writing thank you notes died?

I may be old fashioned, but I always thought that whenever you received a gift from someone you were supposed to write them a thank you note?

Last year at my son's fourth birthday party we chose not to have him open all of his presents from his friends during the party because little kids would rather be playing in the jump house and eating cake than watching my son tearing open wrapping paper. After the guests from school left we let him open the gifts from our immediate family that were still there. My son and I wrote thank you notes to all of his friends and any family/friends of ours who left earlier in the day to thank them for the gifts and for coming to his party. Anytime a family member mails a gift we also always send a thank you note.

My son has gone to two birthday parties this year and has not received one thank you note. The gifts at each party were not opened during the parties so it seems to me that a thank you note would definitely be in order. After my son's party we handed out our thank you notes the following week. Being too busy is not an excuse either- I mean I had two kids and was pregnant and still managed to make really nice thank you notes for everyone (I printed out a picture that my husband took of all of the kids in the jump house and we wrote the note on the back).

I guess I'm a little taken aback by parents not teaching their kids manners. Thank you notes are a great way to show your appreciation to someone and the younger a child learns how to write them the more instilled in them this token of appreciation will be. It really makes your child sit back and have to think about each gift they received and it also shows them how to be thankful for a gift even if it may not be something they like all that much. Someone took the time to pick out a thoughtful gift and took the time to attend your party so they should at least get a thoughtful thank you note.

Like I said, maybe I'm just old fashioned.

I'm a Mom- Not Your Personal Concierge

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Yesterday I took my son to a birthday party for a girl in his class and while he was running around I had a very interesting conversations with one of his classmates' grandmother.

We talked about how these days it seems as if parents are over scheduling their kids. It seems as if, at least in my experience, that parents feel like they need to make sure their children are always having fun. Kids need to be signed up for a bunch of different activities, have play dates (hate that term- so lame) and be taken to indoor play places to jump around. These are preschoolers and toddlers I'm talking about here.

As far as I am concerned, there is such thing as over stimulating children. Preschoolers do need some structure in their lives but when it comes to play time what they really need is their helicopter parent mommy to butt out and let them be. Signing your three, four or five year old for an activity is wonderful but signing them up for a bunch of activities as well as having them go to pre-school is just too much. When do they get to use their imaginations and have free time? When do they get to hang out with their mommy and siblings and just chill instead of constantly running from here to there? And what is up with play dates? When did we as adults become so sissy-fied that we call kids going over each others houses play dates? Why must we schedule dates for our kids? Whatever happened to just calling to see if so and so wants to come over- are your kids that busy that you need to pencil in play time with a friend?

If you really look at parents who do these sort of things you have to ask yourself- are they doing it because the kids enjoy it or are they doing it because it makes them feel like a good parent? Good parents have a very active role in their kids' lives, right? I beg to differ on that one a bit. I believe that a good parent does have an active role in their kids' lives but know when to step back to let their kids gain their own sense of independence. If you are running your kid around town at age three then lordy, lordy- I feel bad for you when your kid is a teenager. They will think that you are their personal concierge and expect you to keep them occupied at all times.

So you may think I'm completely off base here. You may look at me and think that because I don't coddle my children, bring them to the newest indoor play area in town, have them signed up for ten different activities each and don't desperately make play dates for them each week that I am a lazy mom. But that is all fine because at least I seldom hear my kids tell me that they are bored, even when we are sitting home doing nothing. Boredom doesn't exist in a home where kids are encouraged to be independent and use their imaginations.

No One's Home...

Am I the only one who absolutely hates when people I don't know knock on my door? And added to that they are usually trying to sell me something I have no interest in buying whether it's a sales person or a Jehovah's Witness trying to convert me.

There is just something about someone entering my personal space and intruding on my life for no good reason that really bothers me. This is my house and how dare you put your finger on my doorbell and expect me to listen to your sales pitch and on top of that expect me to buy into it.

Last night my husband answered a knock on the door at 8 pm and to his surprise it was a college girl selling something- he's not sure what because she had a sales pitch and wanted to talk to the person who was in charge of teaching the children (which he said was me but I feel like the only thing I teach them is that they better be good because their mommy is on the verge of a nervous breakdown). Not only do I have an issue with her knocking on my door to sell me junk that I don't need but she did this at 8 pm- I know that it is still light out at 8 pm but that just seems a bit too late to have a stranger imposing on my life.

How do I deal with rude sales people/religious people who bother the tranquility of my day? I just don't answer my door anymore. Yes, even if they know I am home I don't answer my door. It is their right to try and bother me for their own personal gain but I also have the right to ignore them so that they will move on to some other sucker on my street.

Yeah, That Was Me Yelling at My Kids in the Store- So What?

Have you ever had a morning that was so bad you just knew the rest of your day was going to be awful?

This morning we dropped off my dog at the vet so he could have his teeth cleaned and some other stuff done (this will cost me a small fortune but I suppose that is what credit cards are for, right?) and then I decided that the kids and I would run to Stop and Shop to get some hot dog buns and beans for dinner (it's going to be a white trash dinner tonight!). I thought it would be no big deal because every seemed to be in a good mood.

Well, it was horrible and awful and terrible. My daughter, who is almost two, is just little miss independent who I guess doesn't need to be under the watchful eyes of her mom. Oh no, she can just run away whenever she pleases and touch whatever she wants. But then here comes evil mommy who snatches her up to take her back to the shopping cart, all while she is screaming (and yes, she does start off sitting in the cart but that never lasts long). My son was pretty good the whole time but then when it was time to leave he wouldn't hold onto the shopping cart before we got to the parking lot. At that point I was ready to abandon the whole shopping cart, kids and all, and go home by myself.

It seems as if every time I think that maybe, just maybe my kids will cooperate in the store they decide that their sole mission in life is to make me feel like an awful and incompetent mother. I now know that there is no way on God's green earth that I can take the kids to the store which in turn makes my life suck just that much more because any shopping I do will have to be at night (when I am so tired that I could care less if my family starves to death because we have no food) or on Sundays. This also means that any hopes I may have had of getting back into drugstore shopping have been trampled into the ground.

And now I am going to sit on the couch for a bit because any small bit of energy I had when I woke up this morning was expelled at the grocery store. The little baby in my stomach is going to think that his brother and sister are real you-know-what-holes before he meets them; I know I would if I had to hear the crap they pull all day.

Stupid Applesauce

Don't you just love the mornings where you think everything is going so well and then you drop a huge jar of applesauce on the kitchen floor?

Ten paper towels, five vacuumings and a mopping later and my kids are allowed to walk on the floor again.

Stupid applesauce (it is easier blaming the applesauce for falling than blaming myself for dropping it).

First Time Moms Are Annoying...

My husband's cousin has a baby who is around 10 months old. We saw her at my husband's aunt's house yesterday and I was a little annoyed.

She has first time mom syndrome to the max and I wonder if I was as bad as her after I had my son. I don't think I was because I am the kind of person who has the mindset that if tons of other people are doing something then It probably isn't mind blowingly special to the world as a whole.

When I graduated high school I didn't really even feel like going to the graduation ceremony- everyone graduates from high school and it is pretty easy to do so what was the big deal? I threw my gown away and have no idea where my tassel is because what the heck would I use it for in the future. Maybe my husband and I could have role played in the bedroom with it- I could be the recent high school graduate in an unflattering moo moo like gown and my husband could be one of those creepy older guys who graduated ten years earlier but still wants to hang out with high school kids. I also was realistic about getting married- I was happy to be married but tons of people get married everyday. It is nothing to stop the presses about- talk to me again when my husband and I are still together when we are ninety years old and wearing adult diapers and maybe I'll more impressed.

So, having kids is not a wow thing to those around you. It is a wow thing to the mom and dad and the grandparents. That is it. No one else wants to see the 1200 pictures you took of your child in one day while she was doing nothing. If I ask to look at the pictures on your camera that is fine but don't hand me your camera and ask me if I want to see pictures of your child. I see her because she is in the same room as me- I don't need to also see her on your camera. No one wants to hear why your baby is so great and the bestest baby ever conceived from some sperm and an egg. A baby is a baby. I had a higher threshold of tolerance for baby bragging before I had kids but now my tolerance has gone done the crapper. And, yeah, having a baby does not allow you for special accommodations. Maybe you excuses work around other people but if try that crap with those of us who have two or more kids we will stare at you blankly and do an imaginary eye roll.

I am not a total Grinch- I do like to hear about people's kids when the people telling the stories are normal and not the "my kids are the best thing since sliced bread" kind of parents. Maybe my husband's cousin will grow out of it and if not, I only see her a couple of times a year so I guess I can put up with it (with some imaginary eye rolling).

Just Call Me Cynical

As far back as I can remember my dad has called me cynical. It used to kind of sort of bother me when I was younger but now I embrace it. I am a realist

I have never been the rah, rah lets join the team kind of person. I am not one to be fakey fakey nice to people to make friends or fit in. As I often put it, I am not a joiner. I have come to terms with who I am and I think it works for me.

When my son was born I had absolutely no desire to join any mom groups or have play dates- besides, what the hell kind of a play date can a baby have? Aren't those "play dates" just an excuse for the moms to get out of being alone with their child and to complain about how difficult their life is? So lame. And while we are on the subject- the term play date is really lame. Please slap me if you ever hear me say it again. We didn't have play dates whe I was a kid- we went over our friends houses and played. When did this "date" crap get added?

Gosh darn it- if I am going to get out of being alone with my kids and complain about how difficult my life is it is going to be while having some drinks while someone else is watching my kids. And if I am going to go on a date it is going to be with my husband, not some housewife who is lonely and wants to pimp out her kids to make friends.

Disclaimer: If you are offended by anything I have said then I suppose we don't have too much in common. I am guessing that I most likely don't have much in common with a lot of moms.

My Son Likes Fart Noises

The other day I had a parent/teacher meeting at my son's nursery school- let me pretense this with the fact that my son is three. Now, I wasn't sure if I was going to send him to school this year because I felt like his place was home with me but I thought about it and decided that going two half days a week would be good for him. I wasn't sending him to learn academics, just to get to be around other kids and learn some social skills that can only be learned when with kids his age.

My son's teacher is very nice and does focus more on social skills in the kids then academic things but the school has mandatory assessments that they do. That seems a bit weird to me. I mean, these are three year olds. To me, they should be learning how to share and be kind to others. The teacher pulled out a bunch of papers of different assessments that my son did (writing his name- seriously?) and showed me how he did- basically, like many young children, my son has a short attention span and when he is put on the spot to do things he does the complete opposite. The teacher even said that the assessments can be off because the younger kids get distracted by the other kids playing around them or they are just not interested in what she wants them to do.

I really am somewhat regretting sending him to nursery school this year. Things have changed so much from when I was a kid. We just played in nursery school and if we learned while doing it then great. Now there is such a push for our children to learn that they miss out on just being a kid. What is is that kids are expected to do in Kindergarten? Basically the system is set up now so that is you just send your kid to Kindergarten with no pre-school then they will be far behind the other kids. This is really messed up to me. My three year old son "needs" to start to learn how to properly hold a pencil- what? What the heck do the Kindergarten teachers do now- teach algebra?

It was also brought up that my son has issues with personal space, he likes to sit very close to other kids. I have been working on this with him at home but it is a habit that he has and cannot be changed overnight. He knows that he shouldn't do it because I tell him that kids don't like it but then he doesn't understand why they don't like it because he likes to be near people. He loves to cuddle with my husband, daughter and I and is always sitting on my lap and giving hugs to us. His teacher said that he may have sensory issues and gave me a sheet with different exercises to do with him (like walking like a bear) and a sheet about sensory issues. I read through the sheets and they really make no sense to me. The only issue he has (though it is something that he needs to change) is that he stands too close to other kids- he doesn't have issues focusing or sitting still. It just seems like a far jump from not understanding personal space (again, he is normal in all other aspects of his behavior) to he has sensory issues (all of the teachers recently had a work shop on sensory issues so fill in the blank there). I feel like as a mom I would know if he had an issue because I have no pretenses about my kids. I know that they are not perfect and that they will have faults (but I will always love them unconditionally no matter what). If they have an issue I will do everything in my power to help them with it. To me, at this moment of my son being three, it just seems like a label is being thrown out there for some annoying behavior of his.

My choice to send my son to nursery school and then pre-school means that he is going to be assessed up to wazoo and that I am going to be that mom- the one who nods my head at the teacher but takes it all with a (huge) grain of salt and disregards much of what is said. Everyday I work with my son to teach him what behaviors are acceptable and I throw in some learning stuff too but I don't assess him. He is going to be assessed his whole life and right now he is still just a three year old who only recently learned how to poop and pee on the potty and thinks fart noises are just about the funniest thing on the planet (thank his dad for that). When he gets in real school I'll start listening more but right now he just needs to be a kid.

Tie Dyed in a Mud Puddle

The other day when I was dropping my son off at nursery school I noticed something that I found to be a total contradiction.

A little girl in my son's class had on a light pink winter coat and it was very dirty- there was brown dirt all over it. Then I looked at her mother and she looked very put together and had on brand new looking (and very expensive) Ugg boots. I do not begrudge anyone who has nice clothes and expensive shoes- I love nice clothes and expensive shoes (though you may not be able to tel that by how I dress)- but what was such a contradiction was that the mother obviously put time into her appearance but didn't do the same for her daughter.

Yes, I know how kids can be when it comes to dressing them. My son has days (maybe I should say it's everyday) where he is on board the defiance train and will not do anything I ask until he has a tantrum and I have to put him in his room until he changes his mind. But, with a little (tons and tons and tons) of effort I get him to do what he needs to do, including putting on clean clothing. It is important to me that he learns that he needs to look presentable to the world. I am not saying he wears a three piece suit with a tie when we leave the house- I don't care if you are wearing Walmart clothing or Gap clothing, but what ever you are wearing should be clean and wrinkle free (okay, okay- at least mostly wrinkle free, we all have days where there is no time to iron and the least wrinkled pants will have to do).

When I was growing up we didn't have a lot of money to buy nice clothing but my mom would have no sooner shaved her head than let us leave the house in dirty or wrinkled clothing- we had cheap clothes but my mom took pride in making sure that we still looked nice. We also lived in not super nice rental houses growing up and my mom kept them spotless- just because we were barely making ends meet didn't mean that we had to look dumpy or live in a dump. My husband and I are better off than I was when I was young but those values still resonate with me to this day- though I think my mom did a much better job keeping her house clean...

I also believe that if a parent is going to put time into their appearance that they should do the same for their children. How does it feel right to get yourself all dolled up and to take time to make sure your clothes are clean but then you send your child to school in a dirty coat? You can make time for yourself to make yourself feel good but then say "oh well" and put the dirty coat on your child and expect them to feel good about themselves when they look like they tie dyed their clothing in a mud puddle? It all comes down to showing the same respect to your children that you show to yourself and to not be so selfish with your time that you can't teach them to look as presentable as you do.

Can't Watch- Too Busy Texting

Yesterday my son had soccer and I noticed something that kids of bothered me.

When I take my son to soccer I stand on the sidelines and watch him play- well when I'm not chasing after my daughter (it is an indoor soccer field- part of the field is for the kids to play soccer but the rest of the field is open of which my daughter takes full advantage of). I like to watch all of the kids running around and playing- kids can be pretty funny. I also like to make sure my son doesn't touch other kids or get in their personal space- this is something that I am working on with him. When he is running around he always looks up to make sure I am watching and when he sees me standing there he gets a big smile on his face.

There are other parents who stand and watch too- but then there are the parents who sit on the bleachers (which are away from where the kids are playing) and play with their cell phones the whole time and don't even pay attention to their kids. These kids are three and four years old- why wouldn't you watch your child play when you know they really like you to? It seems like most of the younger parents are the watchers and the older parents are the crackberry addicts (there are a couple of exceptions).

Maybe the older parents have other kids that they did this with and they just can't put out the effort anymore? Who knows- I just think it is sad. When I see someone playing with their cell phone it indicates to me that they are bored and it seems a bit rude (in this case- rude to their kids). I don't want my kids growing up seeing my fiddling with my phone (not that I would because I have a bare bones Trac Phone that I only use to make phone calls) because then they will think that it is ok to constantly be checking and playing on their phones which is rude and inconsiderate. Technology should enhance aspects of our lives but not take away from personal relationships.

On another note- I find it weird when I see anyone who is above the age of 30 who is texting away on their phones. Maybe I'm just an old fart at the age of 27 but I can't stand texting- it is just such a teenager kind of thing in my eyes. Don't be offended if you enjoy text messaging- I probably am just an old fart.

That Is How Three Year Olds Act...

If you are a parent I am sure you have heard this before- "That is how (fill in the blank with age) year olds act". This usually comes after you are telling someone (in laws, your parents- cough, cough) about how your child was doing something they shouldn't have been doing.

Maybe it is just me, but I get really (I mean really) annoyed by comments like this. Yes, my three year old son not listening at soccer practice and being just a tad bit disruptive may be how a three year old will act but guess what- I find it unacceptable for him to take away from other kids' experience because he wants to pick up artificial turf and pretend to eat it.

Why is it that people want to coddle children by setting the bar so low as to excuse everything they do with "kids will be kids"? If I tell my son that it is OK to not listen to his coach (or teacher, or friend's mom, etc.) then what kind of child am I raising? Shouldn't we, as parents, set the bar high for our kids so they have something to reach for? They will not always meet these goals but at least they will try and will have some sense of accomplishment in their lives whereas if we set the bar low (as in "kids will be kids") then they will never have to put effort into bettering themselves at anything.

So yes, my son may march to the beat of his own drum (which is fine and a good quality to have) but he also needs to know that in society there are rules and expectations of how we all should act as children and as adults. My job is to love my children and raise them to be productive members of society and letting them just do what they want to do does not accomplish that in any way, shape or form.

So yes, I suppose kids will be kids but pushovers will be pushovers and will raise children who have no idea how to cope with the real world as adults.