I Guess I'll Sleep When I'm Dead...

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I am tired. It seems as if no matter when I go to bed at night or when I wake up I am still tired.

No, I'm not sick- I suppose a lot of it has to do with a nine month old baby who still does not sleep through the night. She wakes up around midnight to eat; I nurse her in bed and she sleeps between my husband and I. She then wakes up again for a little snacky-snack. Why not, right? My boobs are right there- I guess it would be like me standing in front of the refrigerator when there is yummy food in it, why not indulge because it's in front of your face?

I know that I could stop this waking up thing if I left her in her crib until she passed out from crying but I can't do that. First of all, I feel bad when my child has tears streaming down her face because she wants her mommy. If she is crying and looking for me I want to be there for her, even if it means that I end up feeling like a truck ran me over, backed up, and ran me over again. Second of all, even if I were okay with her screaming and feeling abandoned, she shares a room with her older sister. Dealing with one child in the middle of the night stinks but it's doable; dealing with two children in the middle of the night is something that I will avoid at all costs. My three year old daughter is a hot mess when she gets woken up and would make even Super Nanny want to claw her eyeballs out. Therefore, sleeping in mommy and daddy's bed with twenty-four hour milk service it is.

I do have a line that I draw though- when she is done eating the nursing bra gets buckled back up. I am not a human pacifier, especially since Jilly now has teeth. I want to go to sleep with two intact nipples and wake up with two intact nipples. This seems to really piss her off to the point that some nights she won't fall back asleep and her and I end up on the couch watching Mad Men until the wee hours of the morning. What a glamorous life I lead.

If all of that isn't stupendous enough, Jilly has taken to waking up at five am every morning bright eyed and bushy tailed ready for the day. five am is an un-Godly hour for me to wake up at, especially after her night time antics. I am not a morning person- I never have been one and though I have tried, I will never be one. Every cell in my body detests early mornings and I am a terrible person to be around before 8 am. So, every morning I grumble and say a few swear words under my breath, take Jilly downstairs, plop her in her play area, lay on the couch with my eyes closed and then listen to her cry for twenty minutes because she doesn't want to play. I roll off the couch, change her diaper because she pooped all over herself in protest of me daring to put her down and begrudgingly start my day way to stinking early.

Wash, rinse and repeat- that has been my life for the past few weeks. Don't even ask about daytime naps- those are words that do not even exist in Jilly's language. I always think of the people who tell me that I'll miss these moments when she is grown and then I imagine punching said people in the face. I miss sleep- I haven't had a good nights sleep since I became pregnany with Jilly. It's been eighteen months people! EIGHTEEN MONTHS! How much longer can this go on?

Sleep Deprived and Oh So Annoyed...

It is 5:15 am and the baby has been awake for over an hour and refuses to go back to sleep. I am so tired that I feel like my head is going to fall off and roll across the floor and I am still sick.

This is not the day to be dealing with this because today was already going to be one of those days. My son has a dentist's appointment this morning which is the first one that I will have to drag three kids to. I already have a headache thinking about the chaos that will ensue. My son is so well behaved at the dentist that he is not the problem. It is my two year old daughter who will have the issue- I think the nice way of describing a kid like her is precocious but I like to call her a drama queen/diva. Then there is the baby. The baby is a good little girl but has the tendency to hate going places and to top that off she is still sick. Hopefully I can bring some random crap for my two year to play with to keep her occupied and maybe if I put the baby in the baby carrier she will be quiet and nap through the appointment.

Then, after lunch my son is going over a friend from school's house to play. This is the first time he has gone over someone's house from school and he is very excited. When I told him last night that I would be dropping him off and not staying he got upset so I guess I may have to hang around for a bit. This is inducing a headache already because if I stay then my daughter and the baby obviously have to stay too. As I said before, the baby hates going places and my daughter can be a total pain sometimes. I am thinking (hoping) that when we get there my son will be so excited to e with his friend that he will tell me to scram but we shall see.

Sometimes I really think that us stay at home moms get the shaft. I would honestly right now rather be the breadwinner for the family and be getting a good night's sleep and not have to deal with bringing the three kids every which where; plus if I were ever sick I could call into work and actually get to recuperate while my house-husband minded the kids. As it is right now I get to be sick with the added privlage of caring for a sick baby all day and night.

Maybe once this child falls back asleep this morning I'll stop being such a grouch and realize how lucky I am to be able to stay home with the kids all day (as we used to say back in the 90's, NOT!).

Disclaimer: If there are grammatical errors I apologize but I am too tired to go back and proofread this.

Late Night Grumblings...

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The honeymoon period is over.

You know when you first have a baby and you think to yourself that getting up with the little bundle of joy isn't so bad- that is the baby honeymoon period.

Then, when the baby is a few weeks old, one day (or shall I say night- most likely after one a.m.) you decide that getting up sucks and you want, and need, your sleep. Waking up to the baby crying feels like torture, but you do it because your a mom and what you want and need no longer matters. What matters is your offspring is hungry and needs a diaper change.

I am at the "honeymoon is over" point- I want to sleep at night. I want to lay down and know that I won't be waking up until after the sun rises.

Even though it sucks getting up in the middle of the night with the baby while the rest of the family is snoring it is not all bad. The feelings of annoyance always seem to melt away when I look down at my newborn daughter as she nurses and then falls asleep in my arms. Then, a few hours later the cycle begins again- baby cries, mommy wakes up grumbling about why can't men have breasts that produce milk, mommy nurses the baby, mommy stares lovingly as the baby falls asleep, mommy falls asleep, baby wakes up a few hours later crying, mommy grumbles, and so on and so on and so on.