Dreaming of the DMV...

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Today I finally went to the DMV and got my Rhode Island driver's license. I was expecting a terrible experience because the word DMV seems to be synonymous with hell but it was actually not so bad!

The Cranston branch was well organized and I was in and out in about an hour. The people working there were nice too- except for the guy who takes the license pictures; he was a little creepy. If someone is as old as my dad I most certainly don't want them checking me out- young guy yes, old guy no.

I brought my kindle to keep me occupied while I waited but I couldn't help but people watch and come up with snarky comments in my head. What is it with people wearing their pajamas and sweatpants out of the house? I actually was beginning to feel overdressed in my jeans and t-shirt outfit. Maybe it's because I am home with the kids all day but if I don't put on real clothes I feel like a decrepit piece of crap. Putting real clothes on makes me feel like I am part of the real world instead of stuck in a pile of dirty laundry, spit up and dirty dishes while dealing with three screaming kids. If for some reason I get stuck in sweatpants and or pajamas all day I feel like my soul has been crushed. Dramatic, huh?

I was actually a little sad leaving the DMV because it was peaceful- once I returned home it was back to the whining, screaming kids. Now on days where the kids are particularly annoying I can dream about sitting at the DMV instead of my usual dream of shoveling cow manure.

Cocktail Anyone...

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My son was visiting my parents for the past four days and today I picked him up.

I missed him so much; if you're a parent you know that when one of your kids is away you feel like a piece is missing from you. I was so happy to see him and hear him say "I missed you mama".

Then do you know what happened? Him and his sister started to fight. They hadn't seen each other for four days and the first thing they do is fight. My chronic migraine that mysteriously disappeared when my children were separated suddenly came back with a vengeance.

I went from missing all of my children being with me to fantasizing about running to my car and driving away with the tires squealing and the kids and my mom staring at the tail end of my car, slack jawed. Didn't happen but it feels good to think of such things sometimes.

I only have five more days to go until my son starts Kindergarten and I have a little peace from the fighting every weekday afternoon. I will miss Tyler but Lord, oh Lord will I enjoy not wanting to bash my head into the wall trying to drown out the whining, shrieking and tattling. I'm sure a nice cocktail would have the same effect but for some reason a mom drinking during the day is frowned upon...

Toot, Toot- Here Comes the Bus!

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My son starts kindergarten in fifteen days. The total and complete chaos of summer is going to come to an end and in it's wake will come an actual schedule.

I cannot believe that I looked forward to summer vacation- for some reason I thought that it would be full of fun and relaxation. Instead I got children who's sole mission it was to drive me to the brink of insanity. Don't get me wrong, we had fun and I did enjoy spending so much time with the little monsters but when that big yellow school bus pulls up and bee-bops Tyler to school I will breath a small sigh of relief knowing that for the few hours he is away there will be no sibling death matches in this house.

Here is what I keep telling myself so that I will make it through the next fifteen days...

School is good. School means that my lazy days are over and I will have to whip my butt into a schedule. Schedules are good. Schedules mean order and order means kids fight less.

Hopefully everything pans out and the school year will go better than the summer did. If not I'll most likely end up in the looney bin.

Mommy Is Going To Lose It...

Yesterday morning was one of those mornings that was so annoying that I look back on it and shake my head.

My son had school so we had to be out of the house by 8:20 am which is not super early in the real world but when you have three kids it is torture.

I gave the older kids their breakfast which on this particular day consisted of wheat toast, milk and yogurt (yep, no fruit- the terrible mother that I am was running late and had no time to cut up fruit). Then I went upstairs to gather their clothing for the day and then I ironed their clothing for the day- I may be a sack of crap mom sometimes but I draw the line at my kids leaving the house looking like they are homeless. I went back into the kitchen and my son had not touched any of his food which really annoyed me. Every school morning he sits at the table and does not eat his food until I yell at him. When he saw my face this morning he grabbed his Go-Gurt and ate it but I grabbed his plate and threw his toast in the trash which of course he didn't even care about. I told him that maybe next time he would eat what I made him- most likely not but man, am I sick of having to make him eat his breakfast.

I went back upstairs to grab my clothing and flushed the toilet in the upstairs bathroom to rid it of any late night pee. Apparently my son had gone number two before he came downstairs for breakfast (or should I say sit at the table and not eat anything time) and had used baby wipes to wipe his bum. He must have used a ton because the toilet overflowed all over the floor. After I yelled down the stairs to "politely" explain to him that he must never put baby wipes in the toilet I grabbed a bunch of towels and sopped up the blue toilet water. Then I made a mental note to steam mop the floor when I got a chance later in the day while also feeling a piece of me die on the inside because I now had even more laundry to do.

As I got downstairs my daughter just happened to drop her yogurt cup on the floor which proceeded to splatter everywhere. Who knew that yogurt was so aerodynamic? I just stared at it for a minute in disbelief and then did a piss poor job cleaning that up as we were really running behind. I made yet another mental note to hit up the mess later in the day when I had time all the while I kept saying "Alli, are you kidding me- don't fool around at the kitchen table".

At this point the baby was screaming because she was hungry (I had fed her an hour before so she wasn't starving) so I popped in the pacifier to keep her from hyperventilating. I got the kids dressed which in itself was a test to my patience- for some reason when it is time to dress the kids they become squirming, complaining monsters. I threw the baby in her car seat and we were out the door, a little late but alas we were on our way. The baby did get fed in the school parking lot after I dragged everyone into school to drop my son off. That is the good thing about breastfeeding- my boobs are always ready to feed; no need to take time to prep a bottle.

I really hate school mornings because it seems like everyday is just a frantic race out the door. Stuff always comes up that throws me off and the kids always decide to not cooperate, especially my daughter who cries about everything imaginable when we are trying to get ready for school (she no longer wears socks because of this and I have recently given up on getting her to wear a coat). And then there is the baby who cries when I put her in her car seat- she hates being cooped up in it and is not shy about letting me know it. No matter how early I get up we are always rushing around. I really wish sometimes that I could be the type of mom who just wears her pajamas to school drop off but that would crush my soul- putting on real clothing is my last grasp at being a human being and not just a mom.

Honestly, if my husband and I weren't paying so much to send my son to pre-school there would be a lot of mornings where I would say screw it, we're staying home and you monster children are going to sit in your rooms all day so mommy won't lose it and need to check herself into a psychiatric hospital. I can only console myself with that fact that I should enjoy this year because next year will really suck- my son is going to Kindergarten five half days a week (I won't find out if he is in the morning or afternoon program until the middle of the summer) and my daughter is starting nursery school on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. We live too close to the elementary school so no buses for us, just me either walking to school or on days where the weather is awful I will be driving and contending with all of the other frantic moms in their various minivans and SUV's.

To everyone out there who says "someday when the kids are grown up you will miss all of this", can you please cart my children around for me?

Roger Williams Park Zoo- I Survived... Barely

I had the great idea to take the kids to Roger Williams Park Zoo in Providence, RI last week... by myself. Yep, it was just very pregnant me, a four year old and a two year old trekking around the zoo. What could possibly go wrong?

So jealous of this guy, I was really wishing that I could just lay down. Yeah, even laying down in some dirt would have sufficed.

My daughter loved the elephants but both kids were really interested in the giant piles of elephant poop.

While my daughter and I were enjoying watching the giraffes my son was already complaining and telling me to hurry up because he wanted to eat lunch- mind you we hadn't even been at the zoo for half an hour yet.

Turtles- not so interesting. Turtle poop- quite amazing to the youngsters.

I'm sure these eagles were having about as much fun as I was... meaning they must have felt like flying head on into that rock wall.

Cute penguins... by this point my arm was almost falling off because my sweet little daughter didn't want to walk where I wanted her too and she apparently will die if she is ever strapped into a stroller.

Ahhh, we came all this way for my kids to finally not be annoying me by playing in water. Water is something that we could have played with at home and avoided this disastrous trip.

The only way I could get a picture of the kids was to tell them to make funny faces at me.

Basically my son complained the whole time he wanted to eat lunch (yes I brought snacks and no he did not want a snack- he wanted lunch) and my daughter either was walking painfully slow or running every which way that her little heart desired.

We made it to the food court and sat and ate our lunch at which I got to the point where my son pushed my buttons one too many times and I said that we were going home. He had a full on tantrum and cried the entire way to the car... THE ENTIRE WAY! I ignored him and he followed me crying (at least I could tell he was with me because of his incessant blubbering) and at the same time I was pushing a stroller and carrying my daughter in almost rainforest-like humidity.

The only thing that I can say to sum up this trip is that I somehow survived without suffering a nervous breakdown and I guess whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I may even attempt another trip in September before my son starts school when the weather will hopefully be a bit cooler- at least the next time I will know what to expect and can come up with a plan of defense.