Scream Till You Puke...

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I have come to the conclusion that my quality of life is directly correlated to how cooperative Jilly Billy is at night. For the (brief) period of time that she was taking a nap from 7 pm to 11 pm and then after I fed her was sleeping until 2 am before we took her into our bed I felt wonderful. When I say wonderful I mean I wasn't as crabby to everyone in my house and I didn't feel like I was on the brink of a nervous breakdown every minute of the day. It was nice having time at night to relax and get stuff done like actually making shopping lists that had coupons involved.

Now Jilly Billy is in full crib at night mutiny mode- she will sleep in her crib for maybe, if I'm lucky, two hours and then she's up at 9 pm therefore wrecking any plans that I had to not have a child attached to me all night. I know there is a method of sleep training called cry it out but I'm not into letting my baby scream until she pukes. The most I can handle is her crying for a few minutes- I'll pop the pacifier back in her mouth a few times and then I give up and take her out of her crib. I love her and cannot get myself to let her cry herself to sleep so I sacrifice my night to keep her happy.

This is why I feel like garbage today and the many days preceding today. I put my kids' needs before mine and Jilly Billy is just a baby- babies need to be cuddled and to feel like they are loved. Screaming and puking doesn't do that. So I will continue to feel like garbage while gently prodding her to sleep in her crib all night (heck, even just a few hours would make me happy). My son slept in our bed on and off until he was 18 months old at which time he went right in his crib and slept through the night (we moved from an apartment where his crib was in our bedroom to a house where he had his own room) and my daughter slept with us until she was around 9 months old which is when she decided she was ready for her crib all night. Jilly Billy wants her mommy at night and I know, even though it is annoying the ever living crap out of me, that she will eventually sleep in her crib when she is ready to.

I just wish though that she would nap from 7 pm to 11 pm- three hours at night is all I'm asking for Jilly. Three stinking hours. Then I'll cuddle with you all night. Three stinking hours!