The End...

I have been thinking about this for awhile and I think that it is time to retire Just Call Me Cheap.

Lately, I have been finding no enjoyment in writing posts here and feel like maybe I have outgrown the whole mommy blogger trying to save money thing. Not to say that it's a bad genre, it is just not making me feel fulfilled writing-wise anymore, plus the more I think about it the more I am uncomfortable with sharing pictures of my kids online and other personal information.

So, this is my last post. I really want to thank everyone out there who took time out of their busy lives to read my random ramblings and for being with me through many ups and downs.

I am going to be starting up a new blog in the near future out there on the world wide web, something that suits who I am better and that will make me feel more excited to write. Who knows, maybe you'll stumble upon it someday!

Thank you all again!

Erica @ Just Call Me Cheap

All Things Must Come to an End...

photo credit

Today I am officially taking a sabbatical from this blog.

I really like blogging but something has to give and internet time it is.

I have been feeling really overwhelmed with life in general lately and don't need any unnecessary distractions derailing me from getting back to my old self.

Maybe in the future I will have time for this blogging hobby of mine. I would like to say thank you everyone who reads this blog- it really felt nice to know that others out there were actually interested in what I had to say.

So on I go back to my life as a stay at home mom in which there is never a dull moment!

Guilt

I have been carrying around so much guilt since my dog was put to sleep on Friday. He had liver failure and it was so far along that the vet put him down that day. I feel guilty that I didn't think something was really wrong sooner. Buddie depended on us to take care of him and I feel like we failed when it was most important. If I opened my eyes sooner and saw that there was something wrong it may have not saved his life but we may have been able to make his last days with us more comfortable.

I feel like this has also brought up so many emotions that I have been supressing in myself. I was finally at the point after losing my pregnancy in October that I felt over it- and by over it I mean not crying at the thought of losing the baby and not feeling like I was in a total fog all of the time. Now, when I think about the baby I cry- and I feel so guilty that I want to try for another baby. Trying again makes me feel like I am betraying the memory of the one I lost- like it was just a little speed bump on my way to having three kids.

I also still feel guilty about my first miscarrige and I will never forget the selfish words I spoke the day before I lost my first baby. I was having an awful day at work and I called my mom during my lunch break and told her that I was having a bad day and that I wished I wasn't pregnant so I could find a new job. The next day I lost the baby and I still hate myself for saying those words- I didn't really mean them and was just being a stupid 22 year old when I said them but they were said and I will never be able to take them back.

So, I guess I just don't know. My guilt comes and goes and all I can do is to just try and be a good mom to my kids, a good wife to my husband and a good owner to my remaining dog.

Good Bye Buddie...

Today my husband took our dog Buddie to the vet because he was not eating much and had a swollen stomach. When my husband came home Buddie was not with him. My first thought was that he was still at the vet's office but then I looked at my husband's face and saw him crying. My husband never cries.

Our sweet dog had massive liver failure and was put to sleep. The vet said there was nothing we could have done to prevent it and if we took him in sooner he would have been put to sleep then.

I am not a crazy animal person. I love my dogs but they are still just dogs. Even so, Buddie has been a part of our family for over six years and we really miss him. I never thought that I would cry so much about losing a pet but I become a blubbering mess when I think about him not being here anymore.

I remember when I had my first miscarriage when my husband and I were first married Buddie was there for me to cry to- I know he had no idea what was going on but he sat there and let me pet him and I am grateful for that. I also remember the times when my husband would be working at night and Buddie and I would go for a ride to get me some wine and then we would hit up McDonald's to get him a plain hamburger (I even shut his head in the window one of those times but he didn't hold it against me).

I know that he is better off now because he is not in pain anymore but it doesn't make it any easier. All Buddie wanted and needed was to be taken care of and loved and I hope that we did those things for him. I hope that he had a good life while he was with us and I hope that he got as much from us as we got from him. And like I told my son, he is in doggy heaven right now playing with all of the other dogs, eating bacon and getting to pee wherever he wants.

Good bye Buddie and thank you for being such a good dog all of these years.