Torture...

photo credit

So I am sitting here doing nothing and it is torture. I am trying to rest because technically I am recovering from major surgery (a c-section) and I pushed myself way too far the past couple of days so my body feels like it is starting to fall apart.

My kids are with my mom for the day which was planned way before me screwing myself up but instead of running a ton of errands (returning things to stores, mailing packages, using my Living Social voucher at Whole Foods before it expires, more things that I can't even think of right now) I am sitting on my butt trying not to move a lot as I have an irrational fear that my incision will open up and my innards will spill over my floor.

I do have a baby to take care of but she is pretty boring at this time in her life because she just sleeps, poops and eats so no meaningful conversations with another human being for me. I am glad that the kids are with my mom though because they are wild little monsters and I feel like if I had to yell at them one more time today I would have had a mental breakdown, plus yelling puts pressure on my incision and I literally felt myself doing damage to my body as I was attempting to tame the wild beasts.

So, I am just sitting here. Sitting here and looking around the house and seeing tons of stuff that needs to get done that I can't do. I really think there is something mentally wrong with me because it literally takes me being on the verge of causing major bodily damage to myself for me to take it easy and yet I still sit here and think maybe I could just do a couple of things like put away some laundry and wrap some Christmas presents. Then I have to mentally slap myself in the face and say "snap out of it!"

Time Out...

photo credit

So, as it turns out normal life is not going to be happening for me for a little longer.

Between going shopping yesterday, baking a butt load of cookies for my son's school, doing stuff around the house today and dropping off and picking up my son from school my body is cursing me. My incision from my c-section looks as if it is coming apart a tiny bit (most likely from putting the baby's car seat in and out of the car and lugging it in and out of school) and I randomly started bleeding tonight- not enough to soak multiple maxi-pads but enough to freak me out a bit.

My body has spoken and is saying "chill out you crazy b****!" So tomorrow instead of running a bajillion errands while my mom has the two older kids for the day I will be chilling on my couch with the baby. I am upset by this because I hate sitting down and doing nothing, especially when there is tons of stuff that needs to be done. My father in law will also be driving my son to school for at least the next week so I can avoid having to load the kids in and out of the car.

I suppose this could a lesson for me to ask for help when I need it but I'm extremely stubborn so whatever teachable moments this episode has are useless to me. I will continue to only ask for help when I am forced to and maybe, just maybe someday this crazy b**** will chill out.

Man Up...

photo credit

Anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely detest getting help. I am a very stubborn person by nature- the kind of stubborn that even when I figure out the way I am doing something is wrong I will still continue doing it that way until I get the desired result. One I get an idea in my head I am going to do it and I am going to do it myself.

I apply my stubbornness and unwillingness for help to pretty much all aspects of my life- especially when it comes to my kids. The only time I ever don't take them places with me is when I can't, such as when I have to go to the doctor (I don't want my kids seeing me spread eagle while my doctor checks to see if I'm dilated) and dentists appointments (impossible to keep an eye on the kids while plaque is getting scraped off of my teeth). Any other situation and I just soldier on and take the kids with me. Yes, it would be way easier to ask my in-laws (who live in an in-law apartment at our house) to take the kids for a bit while I run to the store but I never (ever, ever) do that. If having kids were supposed to be easy everyone would have ten of them.

Is my way the right way? It is for me because if I got lots of help I would feel like I were incompetent at my job of being a mom. For everyone else- you just have to do what is right for you and your family. But think of this- if you think raising babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers is hard then just wait until they are all teenagers. I'm not sure that dropping them off at grandma and grandpa's house would be a viable option then so you might as well man up now.