Epic Fail...

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Has anyone ever noticed that the more you sit around doing nothing the more lazy you get?

I am still trying to take it easy because it seems as if whenever I try to do something other than extremely light housework I start bleeding again. I thought I was doing better on Sunday so I decided to go to Target, sans the kids, the baby, and the too heavy for a woman recovering from a c-section to lift infant car seat. Well, I felt like crap when I got home from my excursion and I was bleeding again- nothing horrible but it was obviously my body telling me to sit my ass on the couch.

Today I barely sat down all day, except when I was nursing my daughter. Please someone tell me how you are supposed to sit down and take it easy with a newborn, a two year old and a four year old? I didn't do as much as I normally would have but I did get a bunch of stuff done- I did one load of laundry, put away laundry from the other day, emptied the dishwasher and cleaned the guinea pig cage. Then I made dinner which seemed to be the tipping point because after we ate I went to give the baby a bath and I started bleeding again. How fricken annoying!

Because of all of this it was decided that my father in law would continue to drive my son to pre-school for the week (talk about feeling like an incompetent mother- I can't even drive my son to school). I am very grateful for the help because I do not want to injure myself any further and end up in the hospital but at the same time getting help, even when I have no choice, really kills me. It kills me to need the help and it kills me to have people think that I need help. The only reason I am even letting myself take it easy and why I am letting others help me is because it would ultimately hurt my husband and kids if I end up hurting myself- if all of this were just going to affect me with no repercussions to anyone else then I would soldier through and push my body.

On Thursday my mom is taking the kids for the day and I have errands that need to be done so I really hope that I am more back to normal by then (yeah, Thursday as in the day after tomorrow). I figure that I will do the most important errands first so that if I do start to feel not so great then at least the most pressing issues will be handled. What really stinks is that a bunch of the things that I need to get done are ones that I could have done before I had the baby, but my constantly procrastinating self said "oh, no- I'll just do it after I have the baby". Why was it that I thought getting things done while super pregnant would be way harder than getting things done while recovering from a c-section? Epic fail on my end.

Torture...

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So I am sitting here doing nothing and it is torture. I am trying to rest because technically I am recovering from major surgery (a c-section) and I pushed myself way too far the past couple of days so my body feels like it is starting to fall apart.

My kids are with my mom for the day which was planned way before me screwing myself up but instead of running a ton of errands (returning things to stores, mailing packages, using my Living Social voucher at Whole Foods before it expires, more things that I can't even think of right now) I am sitting on my butt trying not to move a lot as I have an irrational fear that my incision will open up and my innards will spill over my floor.

I do have a baby to take care of but she is pretty boring at this time in her life because she just sleeps, poops and eats so no meaningful conversations with another human being for me. I am glad that the kids are with my mom though because they are wild little monsters and I feel like if I had to yell at them one more time today I would have had a mental breakdown, plus yelling puts pressure on my incision and I literally felt myself doing damage to my body as I was attempting to tame the wild beasts.

So, I am just sitting here. Sitting here and looking around the house and seeing tons of stuff that needs to get done that I can't do. I really think there is something mentally wrong with me because it literally takes me being on the verge of causing major bodily damage to myself for me to take it easy and yet I still sit here and think maybe I could just do a couple of things like put away some laundry and wrap some Christmas presents. Then I have to mentally slap myself in the face and say "snap out of it!"