Dreaming of Day Care...

Google is great for a stay at home mom. Case in point, today I googled "sometimes I don't like my four year old son" and it came up with a link to a blog post that completely sums up how I am feeling right now.

Lately my son, who is almost four, has been antagonizing his little sister and completely not listening to anything I say. Being that I have been tired and worn out lately putting up with him fighting with his sister and his failure at listening I have been at my wit's end.

Last night I started to feel lightheaded and started getting the chills and a pounding headache and of course when I woke up this morning I still felt awful. Since I can't call in sick to this wonderful job of motherhood I asked my son to please be a good boy (with an emphasis on the please). Well, no dice on that one. I have had an absolutely horrible day so far and finally banished both kids to take naps.

Sometimes I really don't like my son- not him as a person but how he acts. He was never a perfect angel but his recent behavior has turned me into the kind of mom I never thought I would be. I end up yelling at him and yes, I sometimes even scream when the yelling doesn't work. I have even tried spanking him which is something that I don't even really believe in and you know what? It didn't make him behave and I just felt like a total ass for doing it.

So here I sit in tears wondering how I am going to get through this. My only saving grace is on Saturdays when I go to work for 10 hours, which is so pathetic that my only time to myself is going to work. Saturday morning is the only morning that I don't dread waking up because I don't feel like a complete failure as a mom when I'm at work.

And to those who think I'm awful for writing the truth, I'm just trying to keep it real here. Mommy blogs all too often run rampant with moms writing about how much they love being home with their kids and blah, blah, blah. I call total bull on all of it. I love my kids but being home with them is far from the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. It is hard sometimes and sometimes I dream about having a full time job and sticking them in daycare. Other times it is wonderful, but recently only when both kids are not in the same room at the same time.