Horrible Day...

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Today I had one of those moments as a mom that was so horrible that I will never forget  it but thankfully it turned out fine.

I took the kids to the park and we saw my son's friend from school there with his mom. We all hung out for a bit and then walked back to our cars. I pushed the stroller up to my car and put the brake on, or at least I thought I did ( it still makes a click sound even when the lock doesn't engage- I failed to look down and see if it showed red for locked or green for unlocked). I heard an SUV a couple of spaces down in the nearly empty parking lot start it's engine and looked to see my 2 1/2 year old daughter standing behind it- I immediately ran to grab her before the vehicle backed up. As I turned back from grabbing her I heard my son's friend's mom gasp and saw my stroller with my baby in it (in her car seat) rolling down the parking lot (it's on a hill). She ran after it and it hit the curb right next to the aforementioned SUV and bounced back hard at which time she grabbed it.

I swear I was in shock at the whole situation- I don't even remember if she wheeled it back to the car or if I did. The baby was fine and didn't even wake up. I profusely thanked my son's friend's mom for running after and grabbing the stroller and then got all of the kids in the car.

Then it all really hit me... I started to bawl my eyes out crying. The sight of the stroller rolling away was the most horrible thing ever- even now I feel sick when I think of it. I am so lucky the curb was there or that stroller would have rolled down the hill and who knows what would have happened to my baby- she could have crashed into a tree or been hit by a car (the park is in the woods set back from the main road and there is a one way road that winds through it). I felt so helpless in that few seconds. The sight of my daughter behind the SUV when it started was terrifying to me which is why I ran to grab her without even caring if I got run over doing it but then to see the stroller with my six week old baby flying by...

Everything turned out fine but I feel like a terrible mom- I always tell my kids that I'll never let anything bad happen to them and today I almost got two kids killed. I didn't keep a close enough eye on my daughter and then I failed to protect my baby- all within seconds. Every time I look at the baby I want to cry and just think about if things went a little differently today she might have not been here. It's like I went to save one child from my bad mothering and once she was safe my bad mothering put the other child in danger.

So I feel like shit. I feel like a shitty mom. I will never forget this day and the image of the stroller rolling away. All of the things that make me a good mom don't matter anymore because of the monumentally stupid things I did today.

Has anyone else ever done something eff-ed up like this?