Two Weeks

Tonight my husband said something that completely caught me off guard- we were talking about the teething rail cover on my daughter's crib and he said "when we have another baby". I was taken aback by him saying this and told him the word is "if" and that we can't count on anything.

We both really wanted a third baby so when we miscarried we were very sad. As a man, my husband takes things differently than I do and I can understand that. He wants to still have a third as much as he did before. I on the other hand am not too sure anymore. My idea of what our perfect little family will look like has been turned upside down. I feel like I should just be happy with what I have and leave it at that because I don't think I can handle anything bad happening again.

I am going to focus on coming to terms with what has happened because I still cry at random times during the day and at night when everyone else is asleep. It has only been two weeks but because I had to jump back into everyday life right afterwards it seems like so much more time has gone by but yet there is still so much pain inside of me. 

Instead of being baby crazy like I was before I am going to just try to be the best mom I can be two my two children and try to get back to being a good wife to my husband. I really am so very blessed with what I do have though I am saddened by what I have lost. As for having another child, we will just leave it in God's hands whether or not it will happen.