Tuesday, November 30, 2010

My Pants Spilleth Over

My pants don't fit anymore.

I am going to preface this with the fact that I do not think I am fat and that I do not think that anyone who weighs more than me or who is a bigger size than me is fat. We all have different body types and are healthy at different weights.

I am five feet tall and I don't know what weight I am (we don't own a scale- too cheap to buy one) but my size zero jeans are getting tight with some spillover at the top.

In high school I was a size 00. After my husband and I moved in together, got married and before we had our son I was a size 2. After we had our son I didn't even fit into a size 00 due to breastfeeding and a restricted diet (no dairy due to son's milk allergy). When I got pregnant with my daughter I was finally starting to put some weight back on and after I had her I was back to a size 00. I started eating much healthier when I had a dairy restricted diet and carried that on with me even after my son was weaned. Now my size zeros are super tight and it sucks.

I could just say that I am not supposed to be a size zero but that is not true. The past few months have been a roller coaster for me. When I found out I was pregnant I had an appetite and after I lost the baby I ate more than usual in the junk food department. Now I see it has taken it's toll and I want my body back. I really do feel bad about my body because I know that I did this to myself and that I am not the epitome of health.

I want to be healthy and for me that is fitting into my size zero jeans (again- I am five feet tall and I don;t own a scale so I can only jusdge my weight by how my clothes fit'. When I went shopping this week I bought some crappy food for me but I really wanted Cheez Doodles and I didn't get them.

I am going to cut down junk food for myself (my kids very rarely get junk food and my husband gets it when he requests it). I get hungry at night for junk and if I don't have it in the house I just go hungry until I eat breakfast in the morning.

I also am going to do the 30 Minute Shred. I need something to get me in shape and my post natal boot camp video isn't good enough for me.

Thirty days from now I hope to feel better about myself. Even if I don't look much better- I just want to feel better. The truth is, I was telling myself that there was no point to get in super shape because we were going to have another baby. When that didn't happen I now see that I can't base my life on what may happen. I do want to try to have a baby again but I am not going to put everything on hold waiting for it.

If mommy is healthy and happy then everyone is happy.

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