Truth, Pity .... and Cake

This week I have been sick- my Crohn's has been acting up due to me basically eating crap that I shouldn't. I have been having a bit of a pity party for myself because it seems not fair. Sometimes I wish that when I messed up on my diet the only reprocussions were maybe gaining a little weight or feeling bad that I are something I shouldn't.

But in my world with living with Crohn's disease messing up on my diet means literally getting sick- having immense pain to the point where I need a heating pad to make it a little bearable. Getting a full nights sleep when I'm having a flare is out of the question and I won't even go near food because it will cause me more pain.

All of this because I had some soda, or ate sugary candy or succumbed to fast food.

I always ask myself, why is it that I eat foods that will make me sick?

I honestly don't have a concrete answer, even after dealing with this disease for over 15 years. I suppose maybe it is because I like eating those foods and feel like I should have the right to eat them like everyone else.

This disease is something I will have for the rest of my life and I can say with certainly that for the rest of my life I will have episodes where I do eat things I shouldn't and will be sick. It is a struggle- one that I feel like I am winning most of the time but man, the times when I am losing it I really lose it.

For me, being healthy is an uphill battle. It does not come easy and I do not always find it fun, and I often do not live up to my expectations. I feel like I am in the minority of bloggers by coming out and saying this but it is the truth and I refuse to sugarcoat things. To those who think eating kale chips is better than eating a giant piece of chocolate cake I commend you, but I do not envy you because if I could I would choose cake and I don't feel bad about that.  Add a soda and I'm in heaven.

Now if only I could find a good recipe- oh who am I kidding, I mean a good boxed mix- for gluten and dairy free chocolate cake. Nothing like having some cake at a party, even if it is a pity party  ; )