Saturday, July 14, 2012

Death of the Drama...

We don't want no drama
photo credit
Moving day is tomorrow. The house is 99% packed up with boxes and bags piled everywhere, waiting to be taken to our new home.

I am beyond happy that we are moving because the issues with my father in law are really stressing me out. It is sad though. We moved to our current house (which was my in laws house- they added an apartment for themselves to live in) with the assurance that it was our home- that we were going to eventually buy it and that we would be able to handle all of the upkeep ourselves while my in-laws lived in the in law apartment and enjoyed their retirement without having to worry about paying for a place to live. What it turned into was a power struggle between my father in law and myself and husband about whose house it was. We were paying the mortgage and were told that my in laws wanted nothing to do with the upkeep of the house but my father in law just couldn't let things go. Everything was his way or no way ans he would always come to me with issues instead of going to my husband which caused a lot of problems in my marriage. Whenever my husband and I would have the yard landscaped or do something to the house it became a big deal that my father in law had to stick his nose into. Unsolicited advice flowed like Niagara Falls and after a few years of being polite and biting my tongue (so hard that it's a wonder I hadn't bitten it off) I cracked.

My father in law called one day while I was nursing my daughter. He didn't leave a message (he never does) but I figured I would call him back when I was done. Then a minute later he called again. I was still nursing so I didn't answer. Then the doorbell rang a minute later- I was still nursing so I didn't answer it. Then a couple minutes later the phone rang again- guess who it was was (my phone says the phone number calling out loud). I was starting to get really annoyed. Then- ring ring; the phone rang again! Now I was pissed. Then the final nail in the coffin came- the doorbell rang again! Okay- super pissed off angry Erica had now emerged like the Incredible Hulk. I unlatched my daughter from my lactating breast, stormed to the door, swung it open and very aggressively said to my crazy father in law that I was busy feeding the baby and that was why I didn't answer the door or the phone. He said okay and walked away. You know what was so important? He wanted to look at the hose that connects to the washing machine- first of all it is none of his buisiness and second of all it is not even important! I thought that was that but it turns out in his head I was somehow the rude one for standing my ground and for choosing to feed my baby so after that and for the past couple of months he has not spoken to me. My own father in law of whom I have had a good relationship with before this incident refused to speak to me. At first I would try to make eye contact with him when I saw him and smile but then I realized that he was being really mean. I felt uncomfortable living in (what I thought was) my own home. Add that to his meddling and the fact that he tells our neighbors that my husband and I don't pay for anything and that having three kids is too hard and I can't handle and I had it. I was miserable living here.

But, alas I decided to just deal with it. We were already rooted here and I didn't want to disrupt the kids' lives so why not just stay and ignore the rude behavior. I would just treat it like my father in law was just a crotchety old man and laugh it all off. But then something happened that made my husband say screw it, we're moving.

I was out back with the kids and one of them put a small shovel full of sand on top of a drain that drains excessive rainwater from the house so the basement doesn't get flooded. It wasn't a lot but before I could clean it (the hose would have washed it right away) the baby started screaming so we had to go in the house so I could feed her. No big deal I thought- it would get cleaned when I or my husband cleaned up the toys from the back yard later in the day. Well, I guess my father in law called my mother in law screaming about the sand so she in turn called my husband at work. My husband never gets calls from his mom during the day so he left a meeting he was in to answer the call it thinking it was an emergency (she called twice). She yelled at him about the sand and said I need to watch the kids better. Ding, ding, ding- thems some fighting words! My husband came home and said we were moving. That was the straw that broke to camel's back. His mom asked if we could all sit down and tell my father in law that his behavior was causing issues but we told that he's seventy years old and he will never change and we don't want to be stuck with him as he is getting worse with every year that passes. It is her husband and she needs to deal with him- why should she pass it off on us? She even told us that if we stay until we buy our own house she'll give us money to go towards the down payment. My husband retorted with a flat out no- we want nothing from them. We will do it all on our own.

So less than three weeks later we are done with it all. Our townhouse we are renting is quite a bit smaller and costs about $500 more a month but we won't have any crazies bothering us (yeah for it being forty minutes away). It is sad leaving what we thought was our home but we will be gaining so much more in the end. It is also sad that my husbands relationship with his father is terrible through no fault of his own. But I suppose my father in law made his bed and now has to lie in it- if he feels the need to push away his entire family (we are not the only ones) with his erratic behavior then he may just end up totally alone. I for one have written him off and never want to see him again- not my family and not my problem. I have my own parents to deal with.

Good bye home (and drama up the ying yang). I will miss all of the good memories we had in you and all of the hopes that we had in you for our future. On to a new chapter in our lives that will bring more good memories and more hopes and dreams for our future...


  1. So sorry you went through this! We do not speak to my in laws because they were constantly saying how bad of a mom, wife etc I was. When in reality I do not drink daily, I do not leave my kids every chance I get, I play with my kids, I plan birthday parties for them that do not entail me sitting on my butt getting drunk, etc. Im quiet and they dont like that either...It means Im stuck up...aka I am not loud and obnoxious like a lot of the people from Tewksbury I met! I think you made the best decision for you and the kids.

  2. Thank you! It makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one to deal with stupid stuff like this. Instead of dealing with high school drama I am dealing with family members who act like they are in high school! Oy!

    Just remember- you married your husband and not his family. I am glad that your husband stuck up for you and is standing behind you- my husband is the same way and it feels good to know that the person you married has your back even if it means that he is standing up against his ridiculous family.

    Yeah for super cool daughter in laws!

  3. Wow I'm sorry that your in-laws decided that they were going to make your life miserable. I think you and your hubby have more than held up your end of the arrangement. Sad that they have pushed you guys away, but this will be for the best. I also live at my father in law's house and thankfully he has been more than understanding about our financial situation, but sometimes I think it could just as easily go the way of your father in law. Enjoy your new freedom!