I got my results from my blood work yesterday and my fear has come true.
My hcg level was only in the 500's when it should have doubled from 470. This means that I will most likely lose the baby. I am going back for more blood work tomorrow to confirm but this really is horrible news for me.
Even though I am upset beyond words I still have some hope that everything will be ok- sometimes doctors and science are wrong.
This whole thing just absolutely breaks my heart and I feel like I am living in a dark cloud. I am trying to be strong in front of my children but it is so hard when I may be losing my baby inside of me. When I found out I was pregnant I had all of this joy in me and excitement for the future but it seems like that is gone.
How is it that I can mourn when I still have two children to take care of and who I love so much? I feel so selfish getting so upset when I already have two perfect kids but the one inside of me is perfect and is mine too and I fell like I have somehow failed him.
So now I wait again to see if by some miracle my hcg levels go up, all the while trying to hold myself together so that I can still be a mom and a wife.